What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 00:31
She married twice! .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Anyone Can Now Access the Largest Space Map Ever Created. Here's How - CNET
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I have no regrets .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Magnetic fields appear to be as old as the universe itself. What created them? - Space
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I was 9 years of age.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Have you ever heard of the god Priapus being the same as the god Phosphorus?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I never cut or harmed myself..
AI-Focused Apple Music Reboot Said to Be in the Works - MacRumors
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Demand in the Housing Market Just Got Even Worse, as Supply Piles Up - Wolf Street
I will be 64.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Autism and ADHD have distinct brain connectivity signatures, study finds - Medical Xpress
He knew the spot.
So, i spoilt her more .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
U.S. Open 2025: Second-round tee times, groupings and featured groups Friday at Oakmont - NBC Sports
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Abby Lee Miller Sues Cedars-Sinai Hospital, Claims Doctors Left Catheter in Her Body - TMZ
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
A hidden 'super-Earth' exoplanet is dipping in and out of its habitable zone - Space
This is soul school!.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
All the time i was locked up.
Campbell’s Snack Business Struggles as Consumers Get Pickier About Food Spending - WSJ
He resisted the act ,that day.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I was seconnd youngest,
Just sitting at home with this huge cock. Who can take care of it for me?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Im still living with it.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But it wasn’t much.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She was in good health!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I said to her
And i lived it daily.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
It was going to be , some day.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She wouldn,t have been !
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
When she asked me how she looked .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Where the ultimate outsiders.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She loved him until the end.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
One cannot live in the past .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Why did i forgive my father ?
I waited trembling.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But ive been too sick for many years..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
We were not on the streets..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She found it foreign!.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Who then, do I blame.?
(And it was in our own minds.)
Would this be the day?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I think the readers, may guess!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
What did i know ?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Ive learnt so much.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But, we were locked up after school.
Put me off passion for life!!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I was scared of men, in general
My life is so biszare .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
As i do to all so called friends.?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
My family never makes their pension either.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I don,t even have a pension.
I write beautiful poetry .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I could never make a relationship work though!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Comes on , in middle age.
I was very sick at this time too.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
So whats the point in blame.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
We all went to grammer schools
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Was to survive, this bastard.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)